Recently Kim and I were talking about another couple’s marriage. We’re quite good at that . . . talking about other people and how they should be better! At some point one of us said something like this. “Well, she just needs to be more submissive.” That was probably me. And of course Kim responded by saying, “Well, he just needs to love her sacrificially.” And I think we were right. In reality they just needed to obey the Scriptures.

But is it that easy? Well, the answer is yes, and no. Certainly the solution to most, if not all, of our issues in life is to better obey the Scriptures. The more we obey the Scriptures, the more we honor God, the more we live out the purpose for which God made us, the more we enjoy God’s blessings. But the moment we think that obedience is easy is the moment we start to fall.

Let me make a statement that speaks to this, and then try to defend it. Obedience is not godly unless it requires Jesus. Let’s take marriage for instance. If Kim and I aren’t getting along and a well-meaning counselor or friend tells us, “Well, y’all are just being disobedient. Alan, you need to love Kim self-sacrificially, and Kim, you need to submit to Alan.” The problem with that statement is that it is deceivingly Biblical, but dangerously self-dependent. It is Biblical—no doubt. That’s exactly what the Bible says, and if obeyed, those commands will certainly honor God and bring harmony and blessing in our marriage. But left alone, that counsel is dangerous. It is dangerous if it assumes that we have what it takes to obey those commands. The problem is that we don’t. We think that obedience is a Nike-like issue—Just do it. But it is not. It is a spiritual issue.

And here’s the problem. What looks a lot like obedience too often may not be obedience at all. That was the issue with the Pharisees of Jesus’ day. They obeyed incredibly well, down to the point of tithing the herbs from their garden. Unfortunately their obedience didn’t require the power of the Spirit. They had found a way to obey Jesus without needing Jesus. And that’s dangerous, because what looked like obedience was not obedience at all. It was self-effort.

So how can it be disobedient for me to love Kim sacrificially or for Kim to submit to me? It is disobedient when it doesn’t require the truths of the gospel and the work of the cross and the power of the Spirit. For a marriage to honor God, it must require God. Or, as I said before, obedience is not godly unless it require Jesus. Or to paraphrase an old song: How can it be so wrong when it looks so right!

You see, the problem is that we have turned things that are supernatural into things that seem natural. If we look at the commands of Scripture and say, “Ok, God. Thanks for the list of things to do. I’ll get to work on them,” then something’s wrong. We must look at the commands of Scripture—loving your wife, submitting to your husband, sharing the gospel, giving your money to the work of God’s kingdom, spending time in prayer—and say, “Lord, the only way I can do this is if you do it through me. I don’t have it in me to do what you’ve required me to do. I need your help, your ability, your power.”

And this is why the Scriptures at all times and in every way emphasize the importance of living by faith. Faith is what connects us to all that God has done for us through Jesus, and Jesus is the only person who has ever pleased God. You see, Jesus pleased God because he is God, and the only things that please God are the things done by God.