I was reflecting this week on how difficult it is for me to repent. One of the main reasons is that I don’t recognize my sin that clearly. I read recently the story of the death of John Murray, Professor of Theology at Westminster Seminary back in the 50’s. It is recorded that some of his last words before passing into the presence of his Savior were these: “God, be merciful to me, a sinner.” When I read that, it really struck me. Here was a man of God, one who loved Him and knew Him well. As he was preparing himself to enter the presence of God, he was asking God for mercy. At first, it sounded to me as if he was not sure of his standing before God, like he was asking for mercy because he thought his sins would keep him out of heaven. But I knew that John Murray knew better than that. He was asking for mercy because he knew that there doesn’t a minute go by when he doesn’t need it. And that’s the truth. We are at all times and in every way in need of the mercy of God.

Murray’s dying words come from Luke 18:10-14. The Pharisee and the sinner are in the temple praying. The Pharisee thanks God for all of his good works, and for all of the sins that he does not commit. The sinner simply says, “God, be merciful to me, a sinner.” Commenting on this parable, Jesus said that it was the sinner who went away justified. You see, we are justified before God, not by our good deeds or our lack of bad deeds, but by repentance. To be justified means to have a right standing before God, to have a sense of wholeness and completeness. So if we are justified by repentance, then to be right with God—and to be right within ourselves—requires that we be honest about our constant need for forgiveness and mercy.

The question is this. Do I live that way on a normal basis? In other words, I agree that I once had to be honest with God about my need for forgiveness. That is what got me in a right relationship with God in the first place. But that was a once-and-done kind of thing, wasn’t it? Not according to John Murray. Murray knew that he was in constant need of mercy and forgiveness, not because his standing before God ebbed and flowed based on whether all of his sins were confessed or not, but because if there was ever a minute that God did not forgive and act merciful toward him, he was doomed.

And here’s what makes repentance so difficult. I can see everybody else’s sin so much easier that I can see my own! Your sins are obvious to me. I can clearly see your selfishness, or your demand to be in control, or your over-sensitivity, or your need for attention or approval or protection, or your self-deprecation, or your pride. You see, all of us have an extreme case of spiritual far-sightedness—we’ve lost the ability to look closely at ourselves. This is the reason that all my arguments with Kim are her fault!

This stubborn resistance to repentance is what makes relationships so difficult. We try to justify or defend ourselves by our actions or the rightness of our point of view. Instead, Jesus tells us to justify ourselves through repentance. This doesn’t mean that we ignore wrongs or pretend that the sins of others don’t hurt us. But when we have disagreements or relational difficulties, we must be quick to forgive and quick to see our own need for forgiveness. You won’t find defensiveness listed in Galatians chapter 5 as a fruit of the Spirit. You will, however, find the need for mercy on the lips of those who are growing in grace.